How I Stopped Eating Babies: A Review

I fancy myself a bit of a comedian. I love to tell jokes and be funny. As such, I love to read satire. Some of my favorite authors are satirists including the greatest of them all: Jonathan Swift. You know him from Gulliver's Travels.

I picked up a short story / self help book this week titled "How I Stopped Eating Babies: And Other Admissions of a Recovering Werewolf" by Juan Se Mounstor. The book is admittedly short at only 10 pages. But hey, it was only a buck. I wanted to share this with you so that maybe you could get a good laugh too.

How I Stopped Eating Babies by Juan Se Mounstor

Jaun Se Mounstor, an obvious pen name, presents a quick word of warning to all werewolves who want to break some of their bad habits including urinating on fire hydrants, chasing cars, and eating babies. He had me cracking up from beginning to end.

The book was rather short. I do wish the author would put out a follow up or maybe add some more to this one. In the end, though, you get what you pay for here and maybe a few laughs you didn't pay for.

It's obvious this book is making fun/ribbing the paranormal genre, but also indie publishing in general. It definitely isn't to be taken too seriously. But I guess if you did take it seriously, then that would be on you. Read the story and tell me you would want to try ANY of his self help tips.

You should definitely pick up a copy today.
Get it on Amazon.com here.

Image used for review purposes only and is copyright Juan Se Mounstor 2014.

How I Write: Having the Right Mindset to Pen a Masterpiece

I have noticed that I have to be in a certain mindset to write, but when I am in that mindset, there is no stopping me. I can't have other people in the room with me. I have to have music. I can't have other things I need to be doing at all. Finally, I need to be somewhat tired. I am trying to figure out why I need those things and if they will hinder me in my career as a writer. After all, if I can't write, how can I publish and earn an income?

I Need Solitude
I thought this one was straight forward. Then I really looked at it. I don't have to be alone. I just have to feel alone. I can write with my wife asleep no problem. I can write in a library without problem. So after really looking at things I actually only need the illusion of solitude. That being said, I do NEED that illusion. It feels like I am being watched if the other people in the room have interacted with me at all.

I Need Music
It often doesn't matter what type of music I listen to. I think the type of music is more directed at how quickly I want to write. The more that I need to write, the closer my music gets to speed metal. This is a good thing. Some musicians I am listening to today while I write are:

• DragonForce
• Trans-Siberian Orchestra
• Kamelot

Who do you listen to while you write?

I Need a Cleared Schedule

I write for a couple of content sites as well as my fiction writing. Sometimes, when I am writing for one or the other place, it feels like I am neglecting the others. I know that isn't exactly true, but here's what happens. I get started writing which makes me guilty about the other sites. I check on that site and start something. That makes me Google something else. By the end of it all, I have two half written posts and 14 or 15 browser tabs open. Does that make me a bad professional writer? I don't know, maybe.

I Need to be Tired

This one is probably the oddest of all. I have found over time that I need to be relaxed to the point of being sleepy to write well. I have a ton more errors, but the writing seems to flow better. I think it's the uninhibited nature of half-sleep writing that forces this. I bet this is where authors become addicts and alcoholics.Stephen King who admits that he wrote most of his stuff from the 70's and 80's completely smashed. That lack of inhibition is key to good writing.

Do you have any writing rituals or needs to be able to write?

Fantasy World Creation Redux

Here is an older blog entry that I have dug up. I have started writing a lot more lately and wanted to bring all of my personal blog articles into one place. Without further ado, I present my thoughts on Fantasy World Design. I stopped blogging on this blog because my son developed cancer and I dropped off the face of the planet.

originally published on: 2/27/12 by me.

I sat back today and thought about what it means to be a fantasy author. That led to me thinking about what it means to be a comedic fantasy author. My stories have a certain Pratchett/Asprin/Piers Anthony feel to them. My wife seems to think they are most like Piers Anthony with plays on words and full of puns. I kind of agree. But When I thought about things for a bit I came to the conclusion that to be a fantasy author, your first and foremost job is to create a wondrous world where the reader can get away to and relax.

If you take a look at each of the greats of fantasy you arrive at a different and complete world. That is what distinguishes fantasy authors from each other. Their world. Sure Tolkien uses verbose and rich language while J. K. Rowling speaks to the average young adult. But their worlds are unique. C. S. Lewis goes so far as to have his world start in our own and enter a completely different one with different rules.

When you think of what makes up your fantasy setting, the first bit of architecture you need to lay down is what the rules are. I was forced to analyze that a bit today. I already have a few ideas of what my world should be like. But I set out today to hammer down as many of the rules of my world as possible. The premise of the Infinite Castle Series is simple. Take an enormous castle suspended in space. Fill it with every single fantasy idea ever made and make the rules as absurd as possible while retaining some semblance of cohesion. There you have the Infinite Castle. But the rules themselves, that's where the world building comes in. The premise is simple enough. It's what you would tell a publisher or a new reader if they asked you to sum up the world.

After you have the basic premise hammered out, you get specific. The Infinite Castle is a world of absurd literalness. It is a world where the college of wizardry is just that a college, complete with keg parties and hookah rooms. A world where every single thing in the world is named in accordance with rules set forth by a naming council, the Council of Nomialization. But those laws are a subject we will approach in a future blog post. And laws are to be followed, no matter how absurd. That absurdity is what sets the world apart from other fantasy worlds. That's what makes the Infinite Castle awesome.

What interesting laws/rules do you have in your fantasy world? Whether gaming or fiction related?

New Site Design and New Ideas

Today has not been an overly productive day. Perhaps it has been a bit more productive than yesterday, but not by much. I banged out a few articles on an article revenue sharing site that I use frequently. I took the older daughter to the doctor (more about that in a minute). I spent a LONG time in Hobby Lobby looking at steampunk inspired house decorations. Finally, I sat down with my youngest child to work on her homework.

Yesterday I spent a bit of time looking at Blogger themes. Today I finally decided on one. It's playful and fun, but not too out there. I will probably change it if something else comes along to strike my fancy, but for now it is about right. It describes what I have been doing lately. Chaotically trying to write as much as possible in as many places as possible. The theme was titled chaotic writer's desk or something like that. I think the theme itself has helped me be a bit more creative in my writing over the past day or two.

That brings me to my next point. Look for more fiction from me in the near future. I have a few short story ideas set up and ready to go. One or more should be ready in coming weeks. I hope you like them.

On a more personal note, my daughter's doctor's appointment went about how I thought it would. She has to go back tomorrow for a CT scan. I don't like that she has been having headaches, and I want to get to the bottom of it. My son had a brain tumor, and that shattered my entire life. I don't know what I would do if she had anything similar. But I do know, we will get through.

Our Hobby Lobby trip was mostly fun. My wife has multiple sclerosis (MS), at least that's what the neurologist thinks. He needs another MRI to know for sure. If you don't know what MS is, then look it up. It's a really messed up disease that affects all sorts of functions of the brain. Today, for example, my wife and kids and I were shopping and having a jolly time through Hobby Lobby. After a while, I noticed the inside of my wife's elbow (is that an elbow pit? I don't know.) was cold and clammy. I know that's weird to share, but it's the first sign of something a bit more worrisome. I pointed it out, and she declared she was fine. Less than 30 minutes later she was barely able to walk. I barely managed to get her to the car while the kids paid for the items we found. Five minutes after that, she couldn't really form words very well. That condition persisted for about an hour to an hour and a half. She is still struggling a bit to walk six hours later, but is generally better.

I hope I haven't over-shared my life here with you, but I guess that's part of what blogs are for.

By Way of Introduction

Welcome. I hope you found me without too much difficulty. You know like space aliens holding laser rays to your head and forcing you to read my stuff. If they are doing that, well... good then that was money well spent.

I say welcome and I mean it. I mean you are welcome to comment and criticize and trash and sweet talk and whatever you would like. I hope this blog acts as a springboard for discussion. I am ultimately a fantasy/horror author. I am self published. We can go through each of those at length later. Through this blog you will hear my ramblings on everything from self publishing to comic books to earning money through other writing methods to being a father, husband, science nerd, ninja pirate.

Hopefully by now you can see that I am not an overly serious person. I hope you can take some of the more abrasive things I say with a grain of salt. Trust me, sometimes I even offend myself. I hope to hear from each and every one of you. Let me know what you want to know about me and if you have a strongly differing opinion than what I present, please let me know. But be prepared. I hate people who have opinions just to have an opinion. I love it when people know why they believe what they believe.

Now for just a few FAQ style questions:

Question: How old are you?
Answer: 32 as of January 2014.

Question: How many kids do you have?
Answer: 4. My stepson is 17, stepdaughter 15, daughter 6, and son who would be 8.

Question: What do you mean would be?
Answer: My son passed away December 2012 from an aggressive brain cancer/tumor called DIPG, Diffuse Intrinsic Pontine Glioma. It is a highly aggressive brain tumor that thus far has been nearly 100% lethal. He was treated at St. Jude Children's Research Hospital by a wonderful staff. He was full of love and faith and was wise beyond his years.

Question: How many books have you published?
Answer: 1 children's book written with my son and 3 short stories are all available on Amazon.com. See the links at the side of the page for a full list.

Question: Why did you take so long off from writing?
Answer: My son's cancer diagnosis really shook my world up.

Question: Why Amazon and none of the others?
Answer: I started to publish on all of the self publishing platforms, but stopped for one reason or another. Now, I get better rates and feel that I have better options to not put the time and effort into other platforms. This is primarily due to Amazon gaining steam while the other platforms stagnate a bit.

Question: Who are your favorite authors? Who inspires you?
Answer: I love a number of authors from a number of genres:  Brandon Sanderson, J.A. Konrath, Robert Heinlein, Terry Pratchett, Mark Twain, Jules Verne, H.G. Wells, Homer, R.A. Salvatore, J.K. Rowling, Gail Z. Martin and many others.

Question: Chocolate or Vanilla?
Answer: Vanilla. Because.

Question: XBox or Playstation?
Answer: Current generations- XBox. Playstation 2, if before.

That should about do it for today. More questions and answers and opinions should follow.